Mister Charles Bandichev, tear down this wall! This week we’re studying abroad, and our scholastic sights are set on the suspiciously (formerly) soviet streets of Prejnar, Romania! But first, we’re talking anthologies with American Horror Stories, an unearthed special edition of Event Horizon, and some movie trailers that tap into our deepest, sweatiest fears! Our full moon feature is the 1991 Transylvanian tragedy “SUBSPECIES”, starring the sauce boss of sucking, Ragu “Marinara” Vladislav! FULL MOON JULYCANTHROPY includes vampires too, because we make the rules, and if you disagree we’ll bite your neck! BLEHHHH!!
Our FULL MOON SUMMER FIESTA howls onward, this time with some much needed elegance and class! We’re nothing without our listeners, so when we were called out on our piggliness, we gave the show a full overhaul of opulence! (Just kidding, this episode we make weiner jokes for 50 minutes then pass out drunk in each others’ arms) But first, we take advantage of our rare moments of clarity to discuss the upcoming H.MF.R. Giger video game “Scorn”, Phil Tippet’s decades-in-the-making animated opus “Mad God”, and a very special alleged cryptid photo from the down-underverse! Then we lick our lycan lips over Lowell Dean and his 2014 police procedural drama “WOLF COP”! Burglars beware, no criminal scum is safe from Lou Garou… HERE COMES THE FUZZ!!
Hide the silver and lock yourselves indoors because FULL MOON JUNE is a thing we’re doing now! So chain yourself to a radiator and check out our spoiler-free review of Cronenberg’s “Crimes of the Future”, come get some Duke Nukem movie news, and learn why Neve “Not In Part 6” Campbell may or may not be in Scream 6! (Also some seriously spooky streaming series announcements!) Try not to transform until after our feature review of Philippe Mora’s 1987 ozploitation pouchfest “THE HOWLING III: MARSUPIALS”! Get comfortable because the wolf moon has arrived, and these woods aren’t safe at night!
We’re piling ourselves into our sarcophagi and sealing ourselves into a sandstone tomb full of cobras, because the time has finally come to wrap up the mumtastic mumsploitation mumth of MUMMAY! But before we begin our eternal slumber we’re bringing you Stranger Things news, a Pennywise BTS documentary, and a quick update on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre interactive video game! But fear not, antics await with the globetrotting Fraser Family (tm) as we review the 2008 mandarin misadventure THE MUMMY III: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR! So if you’re a tomb robber, pyramid pilferer, grave grabber or crypt criminal…please come resurrect us with some kind of scroll or magic jewel, we have a show to do and we didn’t really think this thing through…
Stuff your lunchables in a sack and get your buns on the bus, MUMMAY is taking you on a field trip to the museum! We barf our way through a brief review of “Salo”, enter the Predator-verse with “Prey” news, and cleanse our filthy palettes with the “Resurrection” of Rebecca Hall and Tim “Bellboy” Roth. Then we’re camping out overnight in the Egyptian wing for the 1932 KARLOFF KLASSIC, “THE MUMMY”! Get ready for husk-hypnosis and mummy-magic, because this is one public exhibition that won’t get you arrested!
The mysterious mumth of MUMMAY mumtinues, and we’re trippin sandy balls on pyramid gas! We hallucinate some SCREAM sequel updates, regurgitate a big wet pile of RESIDENT EVIL, and make a high-stakes bet regarding the early career of Keanu “Theodore” Reeves! When we finally regain consciousness, we delve deep into the tomb of the Safariman with 1981’s “DAWN OF THE MUMMY”! We talk the mummy talk, we dance the mummy dance, but if we catch you walking like a Mesopotamian we’ll remove your brains through your nasal passage! IT’S MUMMAY!!
Pack your organs in a jar and bundle your booties in bandages, because the time has come to mummense our new mumthly movie mumstravaganza…its MUM-MAY! (get it?) Strap in, we’re taking a trip to Egypt (and possibly outer space), to raid some tombs, resurrect the husks of ancient royalty, and nationalize some serious treasures! We tease a Sam ”Darkman” Raimi x Stephen “Cocaine” King adaptation, revive Wan-O-Mania with the upcoming sequel to “The Nun”, and discuss the intimate personal affairs of the Smith family for “I Am Legend 2: The Entanglement Continues”! We’re unwrapping MUMMAY with a terrifying tetrahedron full of fetid feral found footage felines as we review the 2014 mummsterpiece “THE PYRAMID”!
Judgment Day is finally here as we conclude our (approximately) month-long MARCH of the PENGUINS! But before we get raptured we honor the illustrious careers of Ace “Drugs” Frehley and James “Lo Pan” Hong! Then check out some sacriliciously scary trailers, speculate on the future of Glen “Danzig” Danzig’s directorial adventures, and make a few shady backdoor deals with the devil! Our final revelatory review (for now) is the 1978 satanic sequel DAMIEN: THE OMEN II! The 13-year-old prince of darkness is on his way to Illinois, and hell’s coming with him! Ya hear me Bugenhagen?! HELL’S COMING WITH HIM!!
Gilbert has died (sorry, that’s on us), so this week we celebrate his legacy of vulgarity as he clumsily descends into hell like a squinty, spastic Mr. Magoo. We also check out the trailer for the latest film by David “The Body” Cronenberg, Spirit Halloween Store attempts to make a movie (good effort, guys), and Micah finds himself a bold new hat! Then we bring you the biggest crossover since John Edward bought a dress, as we team up with the SLASHERS podcast to review the 1971 Tromabortion “PREACHERMAN”! (Check out their episode this week for our tag team review of “TROMEO and JULIET”) MARCH of the PENGUINS meets TROMARCH for the ultimate trip to the dirty, sinful south!
The PENGUINS MARCH ON, as our hellbound heroes are ensconced in an eternal orgy of the damned (that’s not nearly as bad as it sounds)! We explore the dark side of bloodsucker Willem Dafoe with the Robert “Over-Easy” Eggers remake of “Nosferatu”, take a trip to the Derry farm with the recently announced “IT” prequel, and commiserate with poor, poor Eddie Furlong as we discuss the impending disaster remake of The Crow! Then we take a trip to the sexatorium for our feature review of Bruno Mattei’s 1981 giallo sinfest THE OTHER HELL!
The MARCH of the PENGUINS cannot be stopped by mortal man! After taking a week off to pursue hedonistic earthly delights, the boys are saturated in sin and ready for communion (the bad kind)! We learn not to trust old people with our review of Ti West’s “X”, get posessed by rock n’ roll with the Foo Fighters in “Studio 666”, then tease both a Dougless Hellraiser reboot and a capeless Cage as Dracula! Our feature review is the 2000 Mike “Masterpiece” Mendez goth-adult gorefest “THE CONVENT”! Say Hi to Satan for us, because you’re headed straight to hell!
MARCH of the PENGUINS continues, and our heretical hosts have some serious sins to funfess! (we are so sorry for that) But first we analyze the intricacies of Robb Zombbie's vocals, pirate a few episodes of Taika "Wai" Titi's new series, and celebrate the return of Joe Bob Briggs! And if you love some sisters a-scissorin' (and we know you do!) our feature review is 2004's THE HALFWAY HOUSE! You'll be halfway to hell before you even realize where your hands are! (hint: your pants)
Confess your sins and say your prayers, because its time to begin our month-long MARCH...OF THE PENGUINS! Its nothing but priests, nuns, (and innocent misunderstandings in the church basement), as we explore the deepest, darkest cloisters of the convent! But first, we go greek with the upcoming "God of War" tv series, give historical context to the Predator franchise, and celebrate the return of Hammer Horror! Our feature review is the Felissa Rose clergy classic "A NUN'S CURSE", its so bad you'll think you died and woke up in hell!
Our journey through SPAAACE comes to its thrilling conclusion, and our handsome heroes return to Earfth just in time for (yet another) alien invasion! We discuss Amityville-on-an-asteroid, Jared Leto sucking (blood this time), and our hero Fede "All Day" Alvarez makes xenomorphs sexy again! Our grand finale is 1996's MARS ATTACKS, starring EVERYONE in Tim Burton's rolodex and a bunch of space-perverts! ACK! ACK!
We've crash-landed face first into the heartland of America, just in time to weigh in on the greatest debate of modern times: was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) any good? Is modern horror just a shambling corpse of its glorious past? Will Fede Alvarez destroy us ALL?! But stay tuned as we gas up the old red rocket and wormhole our way into the distant future with the 2097 masterpiece LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPAAAACE! There's goblin gold in the final frontier!
Our rockets are revved and our boosters are bulging, because this week we're back in the endless void of SPAAACE! We lament the lives of child stars (Stranger Things), fondly recall the comedy career of OJ Simpson (Murderer), and tease new releases by GVerbinski (Bioshock) and JPeele (Nope)! We're flying blind on a two week space bender with the 1982 Corman classic FORBIDDEN WORLD! So grab some cigarettes, we've got aliens to kill!
After yet another bout of crippling space madness, our heroes awaken from an astro-blackout to find themselves...back on EARTH! We take a brief astro-trip down memory lane for the crossover classic "Freddy vs Jason", enjoy an astro-detour to Finland to review "Bloody Hell", and explore the astro-future of Terry Crews' career with some zombie thing he's doing. Then we destroy our minds (and livers) watching ASTRO-ZOMBIES (1968)! Its the worst thing we've ever seen, and we've been to SPACE!
SPAAACE sadness takes the words right out of our mouths as we lovingly eulogize our hellbound hero Marvin "Meat" Loaf (RIP, sweet prince). Then we blast off quick previews of Will "GOB" Arnett's upcoming "Murderville", Guillermo "Del" Toro's giant peachy take on "Pinocchio", and get emotional over the touching new "Scream" sequel. Anything goes in international space-waters, so fill up your smuggling compartment for our feature review of 1997's ALIEN: RESURRECTION!
Our journey through SPAAAAACE continues, but first we make a pit stop at the retirement home with previews of "The Home" (starring Pete "Homeless" Davidson) and Ti West's upcoming "X" (starring someone's grandma). After we fulfill our quota of geriatric hedonism for the week, we detour back to Earth for the Bruce Campbell 2005 SyFy masterpiece "ALIEN APOCALYPSE"! Is it really "Army of Darkness meets Starship Troopers"? You decide! No, really! DO IT!
Its a new year, and our intrepid heroes are boldly blasting themselves toward the stars! After brief reviews of Megiddo and City of Lost Children, we return with news of Nicolas "Dracula" Cage and Peter "Melvin" Dinklage. Then we're off to explore the final frontier with the 1981 Roger Corman alien pyramid adventure GALAXY OF TERROR, starring Freddy Krueger and both of our dads (allegedly). Its SPAAAAAACE!
